Tag: Self-Help

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Positive thinking

In Search of Unqualified Happiness

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If Only
Since most of our experiences are rooted in cause and effect, we naturally want to justify our contentment. We envision grand circumstances, stating that if only we could achieve this goal or obtain that possession, we would finally be in a position to attain happiness. As a result, satisfaction is always just out of reach and the very notion of grabbing hold of it seems like nothing more than a pipe dream. But the truth is that sincere contentment and fulfillment are never wholly the result of external events or situations. Though life’s joyful moments can ignite the spark of contentment within us, that spark is fueled by serenity long established in our souls. When we forget this, it is easy to become stuck in “if only” patterns of thought. If we concentrate on the natural serenity that exists within us, however, we can move forward unimpeded by disappointment.

The circumstances you live through each day have the potential to bring both joy and despair into your life. Relying on the reactions they awaken within you to create an emotional foundation means living on a roller coaster of feeling whose course is determined by chance. Though you may yearn for the object of your desire—be it a new job, financial health, a spouse, or some other symbol of success—you have within you the power to be happy without it. Letting go of your “if only” thinking patterns can be as easy as recognizing that inward emptiness cannot be dispelled with outer world solutions. Try creating a list of your “if only”s. Then literally and figuratively let go of the items on the list by tearing it up or burning it. This simple action can help set in motion the intention to set you free, enabling you to make a fresh and balanced start in the present, unencumbered by regrets and unfulfilled desires.

There will likely be periods in your life in which you find yourself tempted to seek a magic formula for fulfillment that is centered upon a single goal or achievement. But the ingredients that come together to form the seeds of happiness that can sustain your spirit throughout the triumphs and trials of existence come from within rather than from without. When your search for satisfaction is focused on your soul, you will never fail to find the joy you seek.

Source: Daily Om

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Positive thinking

Making Life Yours

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Perception :-
There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have, however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they’ve been handed and make them into something great. Our individual realities are colored by perception—delight and despair come from within rather than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it. When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing. Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world, but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn to observe life’s complexities through the eyes of a child seeing everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life’s journey. And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have. As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever.

Source: Daily Om

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7 Ways to Deal with Annoying People and Still Get Things Done

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You can’t get along with everyone. But throughout your life, you’ll be in situations where you simply have to communicate with some of those people you just can’t stand. This may be an annoying boss, an ingratiating fan, a spineless co-worker, a difficult client, an abrasive in-law, and any number of people with any number of faults....click & see

You don’t always have to be nice — professional and to-the-point will often get the job done just as well — but you do need to make yourself understood clearly or risk letting your dislike translate into inefficient communication that hinders or even entirely undermines whatever projects you’re working on.

1. Listen
A lot of conflicts are based in misunderstandings, so always make sure you’re getting everything. Use careful questioning to focus the other person on the topic at hand so they give you what you need and avoid straying too far.

2. Repeat Everything
Your feelings about another person can color your perception of what they’re saying. To avoid this, repeat back any instructions, questions, or other problems they pose to you to make sure you absolutely understand.

3. Keep Your Cool
It’s tempting to want to argue with people who rub you the wrong way. Don’t do that! Unless they’re wrong  about something  that directly and materially affects you, don’t bother. Save the debates for when you’re with friends whose opinions matter to you.

4. Be Clear About Boundaries
You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Which means you don’t have to do favors for everyone who asks.

5. Fight Fire With Ice
The  worst thing you can do with angry or irrational people is engage them. As hard as it might seem to do, the best thing is to sit quietly and let them spend themselves ranting and raving, and then ask if they’d like to schedule a time to discuss the matter more calmly and return to whatever you were doing. If this sets off another round of yelling, simply wait it out and repeat.

6. Close the Door
Remember that your time is your own — don’t let other people, especially ones you’d rather not interact with, take control of your time. Communication outside of the narrow band needed to fulfill both of your objectives should be minimized.

7. You’re Valuable — Remember That
If you’ve found yourself in a position where you are obligated for some reason to spend time with someone you dislike, remember that most likely, they are in the same position with regard to you. But you wouldn’t be in that situation if you didn’t provide something of value, whether that’s a work skill or talent, specialized knowledge, even things as abstract as emotional support or solidarity.

People that are annoying, difficult, selfish, boring, or otherwise a chore to deal with are that way for reasons that have nothing to do with you — it’s not your job to fix, engage with, or indulge those tendencies. Don’t worry abut figuring them out or correcting them; worry instead about how you’re going to manage their  annoyances without letting it hinder your ability to achieve your own goals.

Sources:

Lifehack January 28, 2009

Related Links:
*Low Self-Esteem Sabotages Relationships
*Profound Thoughts About Relationships And Patience
*12 Ways to Improve Your Relationships and Your Life!

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Featured

20 Ways to Attack Shyness

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Regardless of whether you are introverted or extraverted, you have probably felt shy at some point in your life. There is a misconception that only introverts experience shyness, but in reality being shy has more to do with being uncomfortable with yourself, especially around other people.

Shyness has three components:

1. Excessive Self-Consciousness — you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations
2. Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation — you tend to see yourself negatively
3. Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation — you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people

This ThinkSimpleNow article has compiled some excellent tips that may help you overcome the uncomfortable feeling of shyness:

1. Understand Your Shyness — What situation triggers this feeling? And what are you concerned with at that point?

2. Turn Self Consciousness into Self Awareness — Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Most people are too busy looking at themselves.3. Find Your Strengths — It’s important to know and fully accept the things that you do well, even if they differ from the norm.4. Learn to Like Yourself — Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique expression that is you.5. Don’t Conform — Trying to fit in like everyone else is exhausting and not very much fun. Understand that it is okay to be different.6. Focus on Other People — Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on other people and what they have to say.7. Release Anxiety through Breath — A simple technique to calm anxiety is taking deep breaths with your eyes closed.

8. Release Anxiety through Movement — One way of viewing anxiety is that it is blocked energy that needs to be released. You can release this energy through physical movement.

9. Visualization — Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident and happy person helps to shape your perception of yourself.

10. Affirmation — Words can carry incredible energy. What you repeatedly tell yourself gets heard by your unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly.

11. Do Not Leave an Uncomfortable Situation — Turn the fearful situation into a place of introspection and personal growth.

12. Accept Rejection — Accept the possibility that we can be rejected, and learn to not take it personally.

13. Relinquish Perfectionism — Create visions of yourself out of the Being from who you are, naturally; and let that expression flow.

14. Stop Labeling Yourself — Stop labeling yourself as a shy person.

15. Practice Social Skills — Like any other skill, social skills can be cultivated through practice and experience.

16. Practice Being in Uncomfortable Situations — Placing yourself in these uncomfortable situations will help to desensitize your fear of the situation.

17. The Three Questions — During social settings where you may experience nervousness, periodically ask yourself the following three questions:

1. Am I breathing?
2. Am I relaxed?
3. Am I moving with grace?

18. What is Comfortable for You? — Going to bars and clubs isn’t for everyone. Understand what feels comfortable for you, and find people, communities and activities that bring out the best in you.

19. Focus on the Moment — Becoming mindful of what you’re doing, regardless of what you’re doing, will take focus away from the self.

20. Seek and Record Your Successes — Keeping a journal of your successes will not only boost self-confidence, but also shift your focus toward something that can benefit you.

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Couples Fight Less Over Time

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Constantly fighting with your partner over the same thing? It might be worth hanging onto the relationship, with a recent survey finding couples argue less, and get better at resolving differences, with time.

The online survey, by New Zealand counselling firm Relationship Services, polled more than 1,500 couples in long-term relationships and found that 78% were having ongoing disagreements.

But the survey showed that people get better at handling disagreements, with those in relationships for three to seven years reporting a higher level of recurring disagreements than those in relationships lasting 21 years and more.

“People in longer relationships may have sorted out many of their differences, but it was also clear that they handle disagreements in ways that better support the relationship,” said Hilary Smith of Relationship Services on the company’s website.

“For a quarter of people, disagreements and how they dealt with them actually had a positive impact on how they felt about the relationship and their partner,” Smith said.

The survey listed the money and financial security as the issue couples argue about most — four out of 10 people, regardless of income levels.

Parenting and childcare caused 35% of disputes, the survey said, and added strain to a relationship, with 86% of people who have children at home saying they have recurring disagreements, compared with 68% for those without kids.

Other common causes of disagreement are work pressures (31%), time pressures (29%), housework (26%) and sex (25%).

Sources: The Times Of India

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